Eat, Pray, Love

I've developed a new reading routine and I'm loving it! One of my non-running related goals is to spend more time reading. I also want to go to bed earlier, it's not a goal so much as it is just something I need to do. I find with so much glorious summer daylight it's hard to make myself go to bed early, 12 am has become the norm, so I've come up with a reading routine where I try to go to bed around 10:45-11 and read until I feel tired. It's brilliant, I'm tricking myself into going to bed early and I'm getting some reading done at the same time! Bam.

Eat Pray Love is my first reading accomplishment of this new routine. It was a good choice, I felt like I was looking at my reflection.  There were so many mirrors between her life and mine. It was comforting to feel like I'm not the only person following her heart and dealing with a lot of self-torment along the way. My most favourite part of the book its during the main character's journey to India where she struggles to relax her mind and mediate. I find I'm having a similar struggle, I have recently found yoga but working out in a non-competitive way is a huge challenge for me. Yoga is so humbling, I want to be the best but if you took one look at my bent knees during forward fold or watched me fall awkwardly on my face as I tried to hold crow you would quickly realize I'm far from it. This "go at your own pace" is so different as I try to hold plank longer than the people beside me, I want to win.

I'm trying to use yoga as a way to relax, I love the idea of relaxing but I'm not quite there yet. It's kind of funny, I feel like I'm being tested especially after my last class. I'm getting used to sweating before I even start in a cramped humid room but bad breath will always be disgusting. I went to a power class the other day and, my stomach turns as I write this, we began by sticking out our tongues, breathing out all our air and roaring like a lion. As loud and as deep as we could we were supposed to let go and really get into it..... ROAR. I couldn't do it! I could feel a thick combination of germs and bad breath swirling around me so heavy I could almost see it. I didn't know what to do, I had to breathe but I didn't want the stench to invade my body. I almost left, almost. After the roaring stopped I could relax into the routine and actually had a good stretch but the first part of the class was so ironically stressful that my cortisol levels were probably off the charts.

I love the idea of yoga and I love the novel concept that relaxing could actually make you better. I so admire the strength needed to hold some of the poses and I look forward to developing it in me. This is going to be a very different journey indeed and hopefully it'll help my core/hip strength along the way.
xo
Becks

Diverging off track

It's been exactly a month since my last post, I haven't forgotten to write it's just that I didn't know what to say. To be honest, I've been exhausted and the energy it takes to compose a blog always lost out to the opportunity to sleep. It's amazing how fast you can find yourself diverging off track (no pun intended) and unable to find your way back. A month ago I was relatively in control of my typical running- yaletown life and now I find myself sidelined on island time.

I left off at the pacific series where I produced 3 sub-optimal performances. It began with a 2:08 in Abbotsford, followed by a 2:06 at the Jerome and a 2:07 in Victoria. It felt demolishing, the failure and the frustration I experienced after this week was and is devastating. If you ask me what's up all I can say is I can't find it in me to dig deep, I can't make myself hurt. Usually this is a no brainer, you don't have to think about running until you puke it's a competitive drive that defines me.

With much debate and significant relief I have decided to call it a season. I'm in the process of getting a significant amount of blood work done and I've receiving imaging of my heel tomorrow. Throughout this whole year I felt like I was being tested, I tried to smash down roadblocks and run right through them. On reflection, I should have listened a little closer to my body. I think running with a sore foot day after day slowly beat me down. This along with my recurrent throat infections tampered with my immune system, stripping my of my energy and not leaving enough on the side for my running.

I know this situation is a good thing, I feel like I've picked up the scent and I'm slowly finding my way back. I'm looking at this as an opportunity to relax and have fun. I'm always of the work hard, play hard principle and although it doesn't look like it on paper god knows I was working hard. I'm choosing to have fun, to appreciate this much needed free time and when I return to running it's going to be on my terms.
xoxo
R