I realize it's past 3pm on a Sunday and I'm still waiting to workout. Something in me disguised as this cloudy fatigue feeling is telling me to hold off. I feel as if my body is putting in a huge fight protecting me against myself. My mind knows an important race is coming up and it's hyper-sensative to the fact that I've flipped a switch, I'm am able to run strong, but I'm not feeling 100%.
Workouts for the most part have been going well but they've felt harder than they should. This is probably because I was not resting and fighting thrush (in my throat). Either way when I'm not at my best I know it because my glands cyclically go up and down and my legs feel extra stiff at the hip joint. I've had good times through most of my runs but I've been pushing through stiff legs over the past two weeks.
It was last thursday at the hill when my invincibility caught up with me. I'll admit it, I'm over-worked and I know it. I've done everything I can to help my legs feel better: stretch, chiro, massage, ice. Everything that is, except listening to my body and resting. This brings me back to why I'm still sitting on the couch at 3pm. I love my job but three evening shifts a week + travelling +racing + TRAINING = too much for me. It's time for a realization and intervention before I find myself in the deep-rooted fatigue that became my last year.
The fact that I can admit I'm doing too much is a step in the right self discovery direction but I still seem to get myself in this place time and time again. Will I ever learn? My goal this year should be so simple: to take it easy and not become overworked (which leads to overtired). Why is it so hard?
I partially believe my A-type personality is to blame. I realize this isn't an adequate excuse, I like to think of myself as a smart-ish type person who can see past the end of their own nose, but intrinsically I can't let myself do anything half-assed. Working part-time feels like a cop-out. I can't stand to feel like I'm not as involved as I possibly could be. Maybe A-type isn't the only thing to blame this time, maybe the real reason I find myself here again is the fear of running failure. It's kinda pathetic but maybe subconsciously I fill my life up with obligations so that if I don't run fast enough at least I'll have an excuse.
Whatever the reason I've had enough of this self-sabotage! When I feel good I know I can run fast. I know! I am strong and I can fight. The secret is I have to feel good to fight so this is my new plan of attack: address job situation by going down to 1 or 2 shifts a week, develop a social media plan so I can still be involved with the store but off my feet. For now this will be the plan, I know that if I address my work worries other things will fall into place. I know I can have a good race, this will be an easy/tapper week followed by a couple weeks of hard training. It's all coming together I'm feeling motivated, slightly less worried and I'm going to run as hard as I can!
xo Becks
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